Facing my fears


Since April 2019, I created a Youtube Channel, Coffee with Isla, and have made a total of 8 videos so far. My first video was a tutorial on how to make clothespin butterflies. In making that video, I spoke verbal step-by-step instructions, but because I was so afraid of talking out loud, I asked my husband to edit my voice out completely, and replace it with background music. My subsequent videos were edited in the same fashion. However in late July to current, I decided to be FIERCE, forcing myself to speak and stop creating barriers for myself! It was a butt-clenching scary, awkward experience (the kind of awkward you feel when you walk into a full classroom super late, tripping over wedge heels, and you being the unfortunate fallen star !!….”fallen” in the most literal sense of the word!). 

Anywho, despite feeling this way, off went the training wheels…out with the crutches! 

I  put on my game face, activated my GGGGRRRRHHH and braved-on! Who cares what I sound like? Or if my videos are not just as good as the others? Why does that even matter at all? Comments – good or bad, I say, “Bring it on Like Donkey Kong!” 8 videos later, I have survived! Hallelujah, Thank you, Jesus! =:O)

The thought of making a Youtube channel was born sometime late last year before our daughter turned one. However, I was not sure what kind of video content to create – so that took some deep soul searching to figure out. Eventually, I decided I wanted to make Easy DIY crafting tutorials and crafting book reviews. With my excitement, my fear followed pushing me into a corner plaguing with such thoughts:

  • No one will like my videos
  • Viewers would think my voice sounds funny
  • People would hate my videos 
  • No one would be willing to watch my videos

These thoughts all have a similar tune, singing the same song! This was my fear causing mental static!

The feeling of fear severely discounted me from seeing my true potential. It prevented me from starting my YouTube channel earlier in the year than when I actually did. I needed to come to terms with my fear by taking charge of it before it grew into a large unsightly beast! So to do this; I broke out my laptop and did what I am best at – idea organization through the means of Microsoft Excel Spreadsheets!!!  Eventually, after I got done, I had a plethora of ideas and lists on Excel spreadsheets shining through and through compiled together using columns and rows, text, numbers, colors, special edit features like bold, italics and underling! On my spreadsheets, specifically, I bullet pointed lists, ideas, and YouTube things to-do. Here are some of the things I  came up with:

  • List of all the DIY craft tutorial videos I could realistically make in the next few months
  •  Spelled out my Purpose and Reason for my YouTube Crafting Channel 
    • The Purpose of making content videos is because it is fun and I want to share crafting knowledge with others.
    •  The Reason is simple – to turn my ideas into physical objects that spark joy and inspiration 

I made a to-do list for myself:

  • Create a YouTube account
  • Write out a plan with ACTUAL / REALISTIC dates and specific goals:
    • Set a date of when I wanted my first video to be published
    • Enlist someone (a family member or friend) to hold me accountable for my work in 2 days? 3 days? And the day before I am scheduled to post my video.
    • This person was instructed to ask me these specific questions: 
      • What specific actions have you made in getting your first video completed?
      • Where are you in your work?
      • When do you think you will be done?
      • Will you be ready to post on your target date?
  • Create and establish a realistic, consistent work schedule that I could keep up with Mornings? Evenings? Mid day when the baby is asleep?
  • Pick a day when to upload new content videos? Every day? Every week? Only on Saturdays?
  • Keep a note book always nearby to jot down inspirations and video making ideas

Time has gone by, I have realized I was making a big deal out of nothing. If I continued on the path of  allowing my fear to dictate my actions or alter decisions than I would have never started my YouTube channel. Instead, I would be spending more time in making up excuses why I could not follow through!

 If I continue to take small leaps beyond what is considered fearful, regardless of how awkward and inexperienced I am, I can build something great for myself and my family than the eventual positive rewards will follow! 


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